Mysterious

In the wake of a new life blooming,
There you were.
All of you, surrounded by a mythical haze
Looking heavenly pure.

Could this be a dream,
A mirage created from the desert heat?
No clue to who you are
But are destiny was to meet.

Weak knees buckle
But the approach to you was smooth.
The first interaction with you,
Somewhat rough and rude.

The bubble entrapping
That sweet soul of yours was strong.
The force field held up,
Hoping it doesn't last long.

Working to chip away
At what causes you to hide.
Enter light from the darkness
You hold inside.

Could this dream be
More of the same nightmares?
Hoping to pierce your soul
With nothing but tender loving care.

Was it truly our destiny to meet
With passions to collide,
Or was it just a dream
Within a dream of a nightmare
Waking up to a soak filled pillow with:
Tears of joy, tears of life, and tears from you...
Lying right beside.

So Do You?

Thoughts perish in my mind
Yet sometimes embarrassed.
Embarrassing moments
Embed my ego's
Altered state of resentment.
A testament
Of how one's true color shines.
Minds work in mysterious ways,
Yet delirious of how it's portrayed.
Afraid of one's shadow
While wading in a shallow creek.
Deep thoughts always
Drown and vanish,
Very seldom do they stay.
Delay the shedding
Of one's protective coat,
So some thoughts don't soak.
Choke then giggle and laugh
If you don't believe the past.
It's just one joke too few,
But very serious to others
With whom had a clue of one's view.
So do you?

Words describe
While emotions are undescribable.
Divide, multiply, add three,
Then subtract the undividable.
Equals nothing, but three
In any intellectual head, but me.
Hurts to be different, clueless,
Yet flawless
In my own thought process.
Stopping the insanity
Hoping one day to progress.
Stay stressed
For one minor reason
Then goes on to the next.
Turmoil happens
On a day to day basis,
While looking for hope.
For some reason can't cope,
Just do nothing but walk and mope.
It's just one joke to few,
But very serious to others
With whom had a clue of one's view.
So do you?

Too nervous to be serious,
Hoping I'm going through some period.
Period of life that shall end
While a new sentence awaits.
Hoping fate leaves a trace
Of an exclamation mark ending that space.
No question just a solid answer
Is mentioned in this dimension.
New dimension while clenching
Hoping to hold on,
To never fall.
Head high,
Trying to break through
A thick wall.
To call it a miracle
Would simplify the matter
And make it worse.
Just thirst
The day I disperse
And end that hurt.
It's just one joke to few,
But very serious to others
With whom had a clue of one's view.
So do you?

Color Blind

Can love be blind, or am I blind for even believing? I must be deaf and dumb as well to think that go to hell meant you wanted me more than I wanted you. Even in my daydreams of you, rejection isn't cold just a way of playing the cat and mouse game of voodoo. Torture, brutal and unjust, but makes the love lust more for the untouched. Clutch reality as fantasies fantasized by me are of looking into your soul through those brown eyes, but a goal that may never be attained. Must gain a grip, I'm sinking my own battle ship but I won't strip what I've longed for in the years that I have known you, or could it be only days? Dazed and amazed at how a crush could feel so real, but fade just like the sun on an autumn day. So quick, so fast, never touched your lips, never touched your mass love for something that may never be created again.

So I ask can love be blind?

I'm blinded by your sight, but love isn't a one way street, nor a teenage game played by me. Third degree burns, the smell of flesh as it cooks like a flame broiled Whopper. Stopper, no letter go, just another bopper I know.
Burnt by someone lost, thought it was special until the meat seared when you said I'm out of here, but so scared. I don't think love is blind, but has a navigation system that is intertwined with lust. Must I try again, but my heart will never mend. Send my best wishes to you for I played the fool tragically. Reality lost for a moment thinking something special were to unfold like origami. Somebody stop me for I will ramble on for eternity thinking you still hold the key. Finally I see that love isn't blind it's just picky and it seems that I'm not worthy. Who's to say if you were my true love anyway? If not, then where does this mystical creature lay? I've been waiting a lifetime to make that journey.
So I ask one more time...

Could love be blind?
Hey Love. Help me see...

Return

When does the summer white snow fall from the sky below?
For this was the predicted return date of she.
When shall hell freeze over and there be a patch of four leaf clovers?
For this was the predicted return date of she.
Eternity shall pass as the hourglass becomes a day and I make a mistake,
She may never return on any date.
When is the next time the moon shall meet the ocean, hoping soon,
For this shall be the date I pray for her return.
Maybe dumb was I to reply that she wasn't the only one in my eyes,
For she shall leave my heart here to yearn.
One mistake made now there will be no forgiveness just a loss,
She may never return on any date.
If the summer white snow ever falls from the sky below,
I shall wait by my bedside with my eyes open wide for her return.
And if hell ever freezes over and I see a patch of four leaf clovers,
I shall wait on my porch with eyes teary and my heart feeling like a torch,

Awaiting her return...

Find You

Souls rising from unforgiving words surmised
From a surprised feeling despised
By those who wait for the tide;
Ride the wave but a slave to the crave
Of seeing you smile while we lay;
Play in ways that could be construed
As a sin but passion driven hoping
To be living my life for you;
Do what we do so who is to say
That this May warmth I feel isn't real,
But don't know if you really want to stay;
Days pass like grains of sand in an hour glass
But last in my mind for eternity
So I will be eternally blinded by the constant reminder
Of you not her; life now is only a blur,
Never occurred to me that you would leave
So abruptly and as fast as I can recall a memory
Of you, now you're gone; the sunlight beams thrust upon me
As a constant blinder because no matter where I look
I can't find her, find you...

Regret

Questions go unanswered
In this journey we call life.
Making sense of the insensible.
Regretting the unregretful.
Forgetting the unforgettable.
My love to you,
Shattered like safety glass.
Memories are held together
In one fragmented mass.
What once was one piece
Now held together from
The memory of your laugh.
And one thin sheet holds
That mental picture of you.

Why did I say what I said.
Why did you do what you did?
Why, the only question in my head?
Wanted a story book ending
For you and me.
Now all I have is pieces of you,
But must I let it be?
Can't let go, but I must.
Won't let go,
Your trust in me,
My trust in you is gone.
What are we to do?
You cheated on me,
I lied to you.
I knew I should of told the truth
Spent more time with you,
But I had no clue.
How this was gonna end.
Now all I do is regret...
Not being just friends.

Abyss

Heighten sense of touch.
Do you feel that?
Is the pain deep enough?
It hurts too much to hear your voice.
This plum reminds me of your lips.
So moist.
I feel numb when my memories of you fade.
But never completely go away.
Always returning stronger each and every day.
What can I do to shake this obsession?
Maybe see you one more time.
Feel another one of your rejections.
So many of those that my mind has a collection.
Still remind myself of the good times we shared.
The bad times on the back burner.
I never really cared.
Who reminisces on those anyway?
Those three words I want to hear you say.
Let those be something worthwhile.
Those words will never leave your lips.
I know that isn't your style.
But can I at least get a kiss?
Wishful thinking as my mind falls deeper...
Within this endless black hole of an abyss.

Blood Lust

Grabbing the bottle of alcohol,
Razors and a towel again.
Could it just be me
Who thinks this is
The best way to get rid of the pain?
Exchanging one pain for the next.
My therapist says I'm normal.
What defines that?
Maybe I'm normal because
I keep telling him what he wants to hear.
I don't tell him how I really feel.
All because of fear.

Why doesn't she call?
She doesn't even recognize me anymore.
Don't ignore me!!!
I know you hear me.
I SAID I KNOW YOU HEAR ME!
Why do you fear me?
Is it because I'm slightly off my rocker?
Am I crazy?
You know you want to say that.
Am I fat!?!
Do I no longer possess
The qualities you desire in a man?
What the fuck were they to begin with?
I don't even think you know!
Fuck it.

All these questions come
To my head as I look into the bathroom mirror.
Razors and alcohol help to make it clearer.
I love the pleasure I get from the pain.
Just afraid to cut too deep.
While dropping these jeans down,
Couldn't help but keep thinking.
This pain is running deep.
The tears flowing like rain.
Knowing you shall never love me again.
The pulses in my brain are real.
The shaking and nervousness
To get rid of it is real.
Looking at my inner thigh.
Looking at all the cuts before these.
Opening up old wounds hoping they shall never heal.

With this razor I cut.
Help me stop thinking
About that fucking slut.
With this razor I slash.
Fuck that bitch,
I need to put that shit in the past...
Feeling temporarily paralyzed.
Oh the rush of...
It's getting closer.
I can only think of one thing now.
How to stop the bleeding.
Grab the alcohol you idiot.
Dropping to the floor.
The blood won't stop.
The pain I need some more.
Pausing...
Getting a grip of what was done.
Reaching out for that damn alcohol.
I need that sting.
I need that for this fucking bleeding.

The calm cool feeling
From the alcohol soothes the wound.
Yet it stings.
Yes, for this moment in my life.
I forget.
I forget why I did this.
All that is on the mind
Is how to stop the bleeding.
Will anyone find out?
God I hope not.
Let this be my secret.
No one needs to know what's wrong with me.
I think I went too deep.
Hoping I don't need surgery.
It might need stitches.
Did the razor hit an artery?
Maybe something major?

Laying on the cold, cold bathroom floor.
The pain is bearable and actually feels good.
Fetal position for a moment, while I catch my breath.
Fuck that bitch, this is the only pain
I want to feel that is next to death.
Maybe I'll call her.
Maybe she'll forgive me.
Reaching for the razor again
Because the bleeding stopped.
Once again on the left inner thigh.
Argh, that shit really fuckin hurt.
Why?
Stop that shit.
The blood begins to spurt.
What did I hit?
Throw some more alcohol on it.
Maybe it'll stop the bleeding.
In my own pool of blood,
Hoping to stop my bleeding heart.
Bleed that shit out.
Bleed that shit out!
BLEED THAT SHIT OUT!!!

Leaving the scene as if nothing happened.
Wiping it all up.
Throwing the blood filled towel and clothes in the washer.
Glad no one came home.
Glad I didn't cut too deep.
The pain is bearable on my legs.
Can't walk right, for now.
Maybe this will help me combat that inner pain.
Anything external, you know is real.
Anything internal feels like a fantasy,
Or should I say nightmare.
That was a scare and another close call.
My mom came home only an hour after.
Maybe I should tell her about
The torment, my own disaster.
I don't think she'll fully understand.
So I bottle it up inside.
Until the next time I cut myself at night...

IM Addict...

Even though we've never touched in the physical form, you've touched my heart in ways I could only dream of. With every word, we tip toe around what is to be inevitable. A life filled with unforgettable times. A romance that transcends any rhyme or reason. I've never spoke two sentences to you, but typed away until my hands cramped and formed small blisters on the tips. We've clicked on so many levels. Click after click of the mouse, the enter button, the keystrokes becoming faster in order to get off of my mind what I planned on saying once again. Then you type something that blows me off track. Delete, Del, ctrl X.

What can I say next, too long of a pause, methodically planning something idiotic to say, maybe she'll think it's funny? What was I thinking, she isn't from here. The understanding of the slang doesn't interpret well. Hmm, maybe I'll try saying this... But not sure if she understands what I said. What is this little smiley face with the tongue out? Does that mean she's teasing me, or maybe she's hungry for more. Eager to figure her out, but I think she has me pinned. When I type something, she is already analyzing it like a super computer. Looking for the the inner meaning of what I said when I said, "I like cheese grilled in between sliced bread."

Maybe it's all in my head. Even the thought we could be anymore than pin pals joking about barbecue sauce covering my face, staining my last good white t-shirt. Maybe I'm fooling myself into believing this to be something real, because I've grown tired of being lonely even when around company. Doomed to rest in this same familiar place, in front of this lame computer coming up with the same old garbage I said just recently. I want something new, something unfamiliar. I want to go into unchartered waters without a clue on how it will turn out. Expecting the worst and hoping for the best.

I am an IM Addict for you...

What if...?

Sitting at the bar watching you eye me as I glance in your direction. I can feel you piercing the back of my head with those laser blue eyes. Turn my head one more time and notice you nod your head away. I'm not afraid to play that little game. Back chatting with my friends again, but can feel you close to me, grabbing my waist wanting a hug. Could it be? As I turn around, it's her. I forgot that she was with me and back from the bathroom. Nibbling on my ear, whispering the play by play of how she's going to take my innocence away. Sitting back down right next to me, again I feel those laser blue eyes seeking another glance. I take a quick chance, look your way as an eye brow slowly creeps up with a quick smirk. Now I feel like a real jerk because I want to walk your way and flirt. But I already have a skirt to lift up at the end of the night but want a new present to unwrap. So I slowly walk away from the table and pretend to head to the little boys room all the while I walk by you smelling that fresh perfume and consume that aura you have reflecting upon me. I know you want me as much as I want you so I slowly brush your hand upon mine and give your pinkie a quick squeeze. A quick tease and the picture was painted enough for you to get a clear vision. I know I was fishing but maybe the catch was worth loosing a tuna for something tastier. Crazier, I crave a long night of raging hormones, unattached, dismissing feelings and going on sheer instinct. One blink away from going to a place where hearts race and the pace could only be described in NASCAR terms. Walking away from the bar, in my arms, the girl I stay with. Keeping your lips and soft touch in my mind wondering what if....?

Valentine

Share endless times my Sweet Valentine.
An affair of awakened souls my Sweet Valentine.
Tempers flare for my Sweet Valentine.
Forgive yet never forgotten
Haunting the ill willed and rotten.
For she was mine only, Sweet Valentine.
Harsh crude beginning with dwindled
Expectations that were swindled
My dearest Valentine
Forgiven love but the heart still burns
Forgotten love but the soul still yearns
For my dearest Valentine.

Spinning

Sudden impulses drawn together to remain close to what you hold inside. From the exterior, a bellow of smoke, mirrors, but behind the mask cries terror. Tears of insanity from a youth once lost, but found again. Border line fear of what could be, what once was. We fit like the cliche' says, "a glove." I can't let go, I won't let go. Never to back down, but just maybe that's what you need in these critical times. I find myself wanting to escape to your world. Been outcasted, banished from the world that crumbles before you, before me though I must let you, let me go...

That glow that eminated from a smile that was a week ago, or month ago, maybe one year later. Crave the essence of what you've given answered in a prayer. Layers of silk skin brazenly lifted. A gift to finally see the real you, the real me in the same space. Made from god's grace, so purely petrified that I might remain on the outside of what could be. Something myth's are made of. My ties to you can't let go, won't let go. You pleaded hesitantly that it must end, it can't remain. But I find myself escaping to your domain once again with thoughts of what power you have over me. Left astray from a world that keeps crashing from within. So I must let you, let me go. Crashing worlds left in a Spin.

Sleep

Dreams become nightmares,
Nightmares become reality when I wake.
Sleep at one time was a haven from
My problems during my awakened state.
Now hate not love for sleep right now is what I feel
Hell not a haven is sleep, so I can't do it still.
Real feelings go away with a numb dumb state of mind
It's been five days since I've slept and don't know time
Caffeine and speed became my best friends
Reality merges with a state that seems like pretend
I'm still pepped yet slow with my step to the elevator.
Sleep, maybe later, when my reality becomes greater.
When this state of a blind rage fury
Targeted at the world, goes away.
I shall sleep, that I will do
For as long as I can for that day.
This may become two.
Until I wake to do it over again,
It hurts to say such a truth,
But it's true.

Broken Glass

Filled with shards of broken glass,
Broken from a sword slash
To the heart from a painful past.
No dignity required
On this joyous ride,
An occasion where the lonely dies
From empty promises and spoken lies.
Bare witness to a soul
Full of ambition and hopeless goals,
Looking for the ladder hanging
Or noose made of rope.
Tiresome expectations
Hard to achieve to the elevation
One wants to jump but hope
For some alleviation.
Stress induced state
Feverishly looking for a break
In the chain,
Taking a break from the...
Broken glass from a sword slash
To the heart of a...painful past.

Why Apologize?

How can I say good-bye when I've barely said hello? Afraid of the love below the bellows of an ego torn. Written with temptation of an eager satanistic monotone. I want to let you go, but something keeps pulling me back like a magnet, gravity pulling me to the ground, sound from one ear to the next. Check the dotted line signed but not sealed and delivered when I should have at dinner that night. Lifted with evil tendencies and games you play, but lay in the bed and pray we can mend this fight the next day. As tomorrow comes with the sorrow of bargaining another plea to see if you could forgive me just one more time. But why must I apologize when the forgiving should be mine?


Bought, borrowed, begging on knees holding onto your calves. Plea to take your reign of terror away. Why couldn't today be like last year's yesterday? Bought you that necklace, the ring, everything I could and borrowed the followed dream of yours. Declining happiness saddened by yesterday's tomorrow with an impression of nails on my back. Those scratches, those scars will linger through the lonely night thoughts of attacks that were in fact of a good nature. Good behavior being so naughty, dirty enough to throw into a high-pressurized washer. Realized my own demise was following you into the deep end promising the altar. But that was the one day I was in dire need of your love below. And now I'm left with one last tomorrow watching you leave with sorrow while bargaining another plea to see if you could forgive me just one more time. But why must I apologize when the forgiving should be mine?

Left with nothing, a new beginning, should see the light at the end of an unforeseen tunnel. Funnel feelings through a filter as the rose pedals of hope wilt into the soft pavement, soil. I've done everything to keep this love going, but the betrayal was unspeakable like an elephant who consumed the room. You ruined the purity of our love by tarnishing the one thing that fit like a glove. I thought above it all you would never deceive me. I believe in we and the happiness that a new tomorrow brings. Now, empty, black hole deposited dust attracted to my heart as it rings, beats, and rapidly decays. If I may say that there will be no apologies just broken aggravated speech thrown from this spout of a mouth. "GET THE FUCK OFF MY COUCH AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

Photographic Beauty

Beauty depicted in a photograph
With a pornographic overtone.
Looking at your curvatures
On a camera from the cellphone
Testing the waters by asking
"Could I give the dog a bone?"

Stone cold staring
At what could of been.
On the deep end
Drowning from hearing,
"I just want to be friends."

Dead silence without
A word to be spoken,
But sending this picture
After a drunk night.
A drunk fight of screaming
"I just want to be heard!"

Dead silence, corroding
The lines from me to you.
Nothing said nothing done,
Just want a better outcome.

Beauty depicted in a photograph
With a pornographic overtone.
Nothing left to do but laugh
Leaving me broken, but never alone.

Visions

I can see you no matter how far.
I can visualize your tender flesh,
That tattoo on your right breast.
Picture that satin lip caress.

I've longed for the moment of your arrival.
The departure, an afflictive tender heart reprisal.
Sweet defeat, but the innate tameness of the sheets
Was anything but. Wild ravaging, grabbing pieces
Of your honey tanned meat meeting my peak.

I can see you no matter how far.
I can visualize your tender flesh,
That tattoo on your right breast.
Picture that satin lip caress.

I crave, I deserve one more chance to look in your eyes.
What I wouldn't give to erase the pain, remove the tears,
Drown those fears with this glass of wine next to the rye.
But I guess my chance was blowing in the wind with my
Hopes, dreams, fantasies; must finally say good-bye.

So far, I can no longer see you anymore.
Blind, the tender flesh, a hardened floor.
Tattoos diminished, with those dreams,
Visions of the one I once adored...

Digits of Pleasure

Motionless, the lotions, the oils, candles lit, scene set,
Wanting to please you with every movement.
Slow, soft, rapid, rough, tension released with every rub.
Shoulders loose, looking at me while I begin looking at you.
Heart rate removed from a snail's pace,
Accelerated chasing another escape.
Inching each digit closer to passion's cavern.
Candles blown, a silhouette of you shimmering,
Alone in this quest to bring goose bumps
From your toes to your chest.
Fingers circling love's cave of desire,
Heated, warm enough to start a fire,
Humid enough to slip and fall.
Digits crawl and explore each crevice,
Breathing intensifies, a strong release, loud cry, and a gasp.
Glad I could satisfy; for you had a long day at work and
All I did was dream of you all day and think about tonight...

Goodnight

The lure of your perfume looms
In the room for hours.
The flowers, in a vase laced
With love that I used
To chase you have been placed
On the dining room table.
Able and willing to take them
But you chose to leave them
There as a constant reminder
To me that you don't care.
Aware of this, prepared to take in,
Soak in all of this,
I insist that you not leave.
Believe you, until the night falls
And I awake to know you achieved flight.
Goodnight.

Walking Away

Shadows from the destiny
That once followed
My restless thought process.
Obsessed with the desire
Of flesh right next
To every step taken.
Shaken from the lure of
The forgotten tedious
Measures taken to
Recover from pleasures
Of the past.
Wrap the hour glass
Of time with traps
From nightmares of the mind.
Find you, blindfold me
As tacks align the baron floor.

Lure me towards pain
That you consider
Fun and games.
Maintain sanity as
Blood rains on the tile border.
Order me forward
As the blind fold is lifted.
Twisted, insane is you again
For thinking I would look
That way as I say
Shadows of the destiny
That once was have finally vanished.
As I manage to grip reality
Casually walking away
From you
Once again...

Nothing

I can see your image
In this empty glass jar.
I feel your breath on my neck.
The reflection of you
Piques my curiosity.
Looking behind
I see nothing.

The mirror is hazy but
I can still see your reflection,
I feel your touch on my back.
As I relax and look behind,
I see nothing.

Walking by the pond
Watching water ripple.
I visualize your impression within.
I feel your heart beat
Inside my left palm.
I'm calmed by this,
Then look behind,
I see nothing.

Something always
Reminds me of you.
The empty jar,
The mirror,
Or pond water.
I wish a thousand times
You wouldn't go.
Now, the thought
Of you haunts my
Restless soul.
I feel nothing...

Spit & Rinse

Lonely,
Craving you once again.
How do I succeed in
Pulling you away
When you push so close?

Lonely,
Needing you right now.
Could I wait to feed
This addiction of you
That my body hosts?

Lonely,
Knowing we could never be.
But maybe just maybe
We can be together this one last time.

Lonely,
Experiencing visions of your love.
I want another memory of
You so I don't feel so blind.

As I awake to the poison
You infested my mind with,
I realize that all I needed
To do was spit and rinse
To take the taste of
You out of my mouth.

My Mistress

No one has to know
What we did last night.
The flow of our weakness,
The bond between us,
Can remain tight.
Remain friends,
No jealousy in
This heart of mine.
The stars were aligned,
The shine of the moon,
The sweet gentle caress
From you still excites,
The swoon of yours,
The lights, the way you
Were on all fours
With that arch in your back.
What I had in store
Might of been
What you longed for,
The reason you relaxed.
Your lure, the inhibitions,
The cold touch of
Kitchen marble floors,
Your wishes, the sweet
Taste of kisses,
The one night you
Became
My Mistress.

Holding Back

Frustration exudes the surface below. Excludes the purpose of how we flow, how we go into an entangled state of delusions with our minds filled with confusions as hormones race. Keep up the pace at a state that can only lead to explosions within minutes of our touch. So much withheld, so much kept a secret as slowly our minds trickle to our thirst filled mouths the truths from below. As they are heard, as they are whispered, nothing can guard our fears of how far this can go. Slowly, my right hand traces the arch of your back. Relax the state of mind. Find the stacks of stored heat that is ready to be released by me. Slowly the breath begins to deepen. Seeing the mind, soul, and heart weaken. Cracks slowly lace the cement filled heart from a sharp unnatural arch from your back. Goose bumps begin to form popping any hesitation tacks away from the map that is your body. Don't fight it, please stop holding back...

I can hear the screams of pain that haunts. Years at the gauntlet of tauntery, the garden of eden is where you should be. Walking amongst angels but I clutch you hoping for a piece of heaven to rub upon me. Your shoulders, so softly compliment the breasts, enhancing the size of your chest. It's not about lust today, it's about trust. I trust you to trust me in it's truest form of this debauchery. I want to be the masonry of pleasure, using my hammer to please every part of you, sculpting the master piece of love we both share. Shall I dare work upon those delicate calves, massaging every stress filled fiber working my way to the feet. I won't tickle you, it will pleasure me, to pleasure every part of you. To do what hasn't been accomplished in years of solitary, trapped in a prison closed off from your own sin. Untouched because years of torture brought fear of pleasure and I dare not escort you to the bedroom for tears come up in your eyes on that day. But today is a new day as cracks lace the cement filled heart and goose bumps form to pop any hesitation tacks away from the map that is your body. Don't fight it, please stop holding back...

Forget Me Not

I look upon the floor
That has a picture of you,
Of me, torn in half,
No longer whole.
I look into your eyes
Once again,
Why does this have to be?
I've never felt so much pain,
As I grab that picture of you,
Spark the Bic,
The bottom corner of you lit,
But who is really to blame?
I feel lame laying next to you
As flames engulf your face.
An ash tray in place of
Where your heart used to be,
Throwing the rest of you in it.
I must forget you,
You've forgotten me already.

Face of New

I can see the glow, the blushing as I'm rushing to you. Calling my name in feverish angst. It's been too long since I've seen that grin. You decided to come out on a whim. Always glad to see you again. I can't pretend no longer that these feelings grow never thin. I may only have lint to my name but no reason to not have fun. Too much to gain. I blame no one for the lost communication. As my heart begins racing, I ask this question. As you pause, "Have you thought about me as much as I have about you? If so would you give me this honor of becoming the lost piece of my life's puzzle?"

The room grows...
SILENT.

These Eyes Of Mine

In these eyes of mine, I can see a sunshine of shimmering hope, blood soaked jeans from a sobering dope fiend looking for that Scope of life to rinse the pain away. Agony of love, the stray defeat from the coffee beans taking the morning jitters away. Folks blow their last dollar away like a puff of smoke from the new night that becomes day. I can visualize, see where my destiny lies but never grasp, clutch what must be nothingness in these hands full of the sand that is time slowly drifting in the wind to a new clay pot, watching it rot to the earth below. Shadows of pleasure elope into a dark ego that can only be seen by the sceneries of green watching kids play but lay low. Afraid of the strays that may hit, but mustn't deter them from going with the flow. Act like you know the destiny that unravels before me, but in reality my destiny is hard to find. Especially through these eyes of mine.

I can see through you to your soul like x-ray vision, incisions, lacerations to your heart that drives the barricade to become further, taller, but never small enough to let anyone in. Sin driven misfits made life hard to live. To give yourself to anyone seems foolish, so all you can do is pretend that your heart has mended, but that's like a band-aid to a bullet wound when passion is mistaken for lust. Trust no one but yourself in these selfish times. Dimes to a dozen that not even your best friend, your cousin knows what lies beneath. Morbid thoughts, devilish intentions, perfumes wreak of the scent of lost certainty from within that burgundy cashmere sweater you wear proud. As another needle shrouds your true emotions, another puff of smoke cloaks your true desires. Can't rescue someone from the fire if they yearn to burn with it. Your destiny is my destiny and they are both hard to find. Especially through these eyes of both, yours and mine.

Love Me Again

Looking in the mirror on the vanity.
Insanity, insanely looking at imperfections.
Directions my eyes navigate from
North to south, east to west, from
Chest to neck, from neck to face.
Disgrace, pity, I see in these eyes
That stare back at me.
Ugly, the horror of wondering
Why I'm not pretty.
I want to be a model, so I can gloat,
Float around with arrogance.
Perpetuating hate with every
Ugly face I see.
Discard their feelings,
Erase their thoughts as
They can't believe what I say.
Display my ego for those
To judge and hold
A grudge to the
Blasphemous words I speak.

Looking in the mirror on the vanity.
Insanity, insanely looking at imperfections,
I see beauty.
Beauty through these eyes of mine.
Find from north to south, east to west,
From chest to neck, from neck to face
A place for love to share.
I dare not speak words of hate,
For those thoughts shall rest
In the bottom of the lake in my soul.
The beginning was an illusion,
The end was the reason why
I love me again.

Tired Valentine

Decompressing respective ideas longing for that one-night stand that lasts eternally. Spell bound, hell's hound awaits near the fiery depths of my personal hell. Grid locked, stripped hot women surround me with STD tears longing to find someone near as fear guides another man with a beer in his hand. "Will you dance with me perty lil lady?" lately that's the line echoed through the silent violent aching head of mine. I can visualize him standing there without a care, taking her home on a dare whispered in his ear from her.Then three days pass as a fiery feeling eminates from his passionate loins. Taken for a ride, dipped in groin heat stripped and has a fever to itch where no man need to. Caught that flu from someone new, another piece of strange. That dame did take him on a ride not of joy but of a bug she deployed deep within. Glad him not me, left the scene after the dance. Crashed at my place with a bottle of Jack Daniels and coke to chase my guilty thoughts away. Didn't make that move as my heart grows cold, bitter as vinegar wine, and left here to mope as another tired Valentine.

Decompressing repressed thoughts of her, of you pounding pavement with each step closer to her apartment. Watching from a distant as you move closer, grab her hand and pull closer. Tug as she shrugs it off and allows you to kiss her on that right cheek. That's my cheek, forbidden to be touched by anyone but me. See you flee, skipping to a beat in your head, full of heat. Grabbing your phone on the way home, then racing back to the apartment door. Knock, pulled in, rocked by the jerking of your hand. Damn, taken in, giving in, willingly submissive as the walls close in. Full of sin from within, left with a burdensome thought, agony of knowing but glowing inside from lowering yourself to do what should of never been done. Oh well, fuck it, it's just another Valentine's Day passed, and no one has to know. This grows my heart cold, bitter as vinegar wine, and left here to mope as another tired Valentine.

Pillow Creases

As I look at the emptiness of a bed we once shared. I think of all the intimate, sarcastic, goofy words we once said. The prayers, the laughter, the arguments, the bickering, the kissing, the moaning, that feeling we once had. Was it all just a dream? What have we become? No longer are words shared, thoughts brought to the table vanished. All I see is a cold, blank stare. Do you no longer care?

Before I drift into another restless night, I look upon the pillow you laid your head upon each night. I look at each individual crease, count them and realize it's the same number of weeks we shared together. Laying next to each other with thoughts never conveyed through words but with actions. Maybe your reaction was because I never had the right thing to say at the right time. I managed to allow your departure, your escape to the world of maddening vultures and predators looking for an attempt to take your love for granted. Maybe that was I, but never realized it until you walked away.

My eyes begin to progressively get heavier as I grab your pillow one last time closer to my face. I smell you. The scent of your perfume, the scent of your shampoo, that scent that words could not describe. Bringing back the memories of discussions. How are future would pan out. Where we would be in 20, 30 years from now. That old couple cuddling along the sofa watching another movie. Or sitting on the porch holding hands rocking back and forth enjoying the company of our grand kids playing amongst the green grass in our yard. These thoughts are no longer possible, but were probable if for just the moment in time we spoke of them.

Frustrated, alone, but drift into a land of unknown with that burned thought of you embedded in my mind. The photograph of your face that shall... That shall never erase from dreams. If there's no hope to have you in my reality, I can at least dream of what we once were...

Jack Daniel Filled Hope

Hope draws closer to another chance for a new romance to follow. With every pill I swallow, hope brings that sunshine into another mundane existence. The persistence of hope, the resistance of a lost resolution under the umbrella covering away the reign of negativity. I hope to dream a new dream, I hope to find a new beam of light watching hope shine through the night and scare away the pessimism. Living in a hope filled prison is no prison at all. It's giving myself away to something greater than I. Allow hope to reign washing tears of doubtfulness away. Sustain a love to gain, again hoping this one will lead to bliss never a lonely day, or gut wrenching dismay watching her play a new game of lay next to a new. Hope for hope is all I can do as another day elopes into a foreshadowed future of mine. Hope for hope in this last day as Jack Daniels washes the pills away...

Another pill swallowed as hope follows another tomorrow that may never be seen by a man like me, but who knows. Hope someone finds me before both bottles are empty and I'm just laying there with hope filled eyes, twitching away my life. Paralyzed before I die, but at least hope tears the tears away, drains the pain of missing her again. Hoping for that new love that never showed, prayed she would arrive through these vacuum filled emotions consuming every part of me. Swindled from the conjured up ill sentiment eroding me inside but why me? Be the bigger of us both looking upon a brighter future, suture up those old wounds and allow them to heal for the first time. Arrived at your house blood soaked jeans begging you to please look out of your window. Can't you see what you do to me? What a fool, you've hurt me and the only way to stop the bleed is you. But I guess it's all over now and all I can do is hope for hope as another day elopes into a foreshadowed future of mine. Hope for hope in this last day as Jack Daniels washes the pills away...

Texas Red Clay

A day begins with the glistening moist grass that has dew forming.

We lay on a picnic table from dusk till dawn we play, having fun in Mid May.

Red Texas clay parted from our footsteps while finding the perfect resting place.
Tuck dreams in a corner for a moment that shall last the rest of of our lives.
Not one hour, not even one minute, just a silent second that makes our world collide.
Take that and cannot divide it in half, nor thirds, just as one, thankful to be alive.
Scavenging for that four leaf clover, hoping all this becomes so true.
Just to be here sitting in the presence of someone, only you.
I can say this will be true and hopefully soon.
Stepping in Texas red clay together under the moon.